My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
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