false alarm. still invincible.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
