god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize