i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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