apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
