happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
