I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
