there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
