tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
