One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize