the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
