that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
