I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
