Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
