Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
