I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
