one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Need sex. Gaining weight.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize