The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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