so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
