All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
