when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
