are you still at the devil's house?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize