I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
