Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
