Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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