im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
