Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
