Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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