I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
