Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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