She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
sarcasm needs its own font
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
