Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
