She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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