I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize