haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
