i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
