Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
