True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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