Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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