Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
