i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
We need a shit load of segways right now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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