Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
