Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
