If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Can I color on your dick again?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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