I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
it glows. i had to have it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
