i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
