The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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