My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
