i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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