I heard we made out
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
