FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
