Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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