I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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