Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
