we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
