he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
