just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
