After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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