Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I looked at my own cervix.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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