covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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