Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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