break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I am spending my child support on dildos
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
