you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
