I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
