So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
