After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
