Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
love makes seman taste better
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
