I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
