just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
