I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
