Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
