I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
