There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
