just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize