The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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