I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
