My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
