Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize