Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
