At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Randomize
