You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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