I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
This is my gift to your gina
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
