Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
