Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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