well I can't set my house on fire every night
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
