What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize